As those of you who have read the last few posts know I have been dreading writing this post. I have to start off with a confession. My stay here in Tanzania with the people at Hope Foundation has been trying to say the least.
I never go to a new place with high expectations or having researched so much that I know EVERYTHING there is to know before I arrive. I do, however, arrive optimistic. Hoping that all will be well but knowing that there is room for things to go wrong….and even completely wrong.
After learning how much being black would effect my travels through Asia, I added Africa to my list with the assumption that I’d be a little more welcomed because I at least had the same color skin as those around me. Who knew that this would not be enough to be accepted in this country.
Let’s start at the beginning. When I arrived at the Kilimanjaro Airport I was greeted by Thomas, the Project Coordinator at Hope Foundation, and Daniela. Thomas, a Tanzanian, just stared at me like a deer in headlights and barely said hello. Daniela, the 23 year old fellow volunteer and student from Sweden, donned a wide smile and gave me a warm welcome and immediately reached for one of my bags. When we walked toward the large van/bus there were about 6 other Tanzanian males who were either employees at Hope or just friends who were along for the ride. They all stared like they had just seen a ghost and didn’t say a word. If it weren’t for Daniela and I engaging in conversation it would have been an extremely silent 2 hour drive from the Airport to Msae Village where the orphanage and school are located.
I received the same glares and stares when we arrived to the Orphanage. Whispers including the words “Black American” could be heard around me. I just blew it off thinking people were just curious. After a few days of feeling much less than welcomed and also learning that I was the first black person to volunteer at the foundation I asked Thomas what people around here thought of “Blacks in America”. Although he “cleaned up” his response in what appeared to be an attempt at protecting my feelings the words that came out of his mouth blew me away.
According to Thomas blacks from America:
- are descendants of slaves (these words were followed by a look on his face of sheer disgust)
- are segregated to one area in America and not allowed to go elsewhere
- are not allowed to do the same things as whites (which in turn makes them better)
- all have low paying jobs
- are different from blacks in Africa and we choose not to come here to visit (no further explanation was given)
The list of what I have heard hear goes on and on and to be honest it makes me sick to even think about writing the rest down.
Since I have been at Hope I have been looked over, pointed at, shunned, laughed at, and ignored. Sound familiar? At first people just couldn’t believe that I was a black person from America. They all went to Daniela for advice and seemed to favor her more because she was white and to them this means wealthy. When summoning us for dinner…they would always say “Daniela dinner is ready”. Or for special requests, “Daniela, what would you like to have for dinner”. I’d be sitting right there shaking my head and biting my tongue. Most of the children even favored her more. The only reason they found me interesting was because of my “good hair” or because I seemed to always have “sweeties”. In matters of business assistance and educational advice they went to Daniela first who couldn’t answer them because not only did she not have business experience she was still in school and figuring out what she wanted to do with her life at the tender age of 23.
You know a situation is really bad when other people start noticing and getting angry which was Daniela’s response. She is amazed at the way that I have been treated and also feels bad that people look at her like she is a walking dollar sign.
All of this nonsense has continued and for the past three weeks I’ve tried to stay focused and keep at the forefront of my mind the reason why I am here….to help and to serve. I am here for the children and anything else should be an afterthought.
We start our day at breakfast with someone from the family giving us a long tragic story about how the kids are out of food or how someone else needs medicine. This is also how we end our days. But at the same time the house that the family and the volunteers live in was now being remodeled. People were getting their hair done by special hair dressers who came to the home. The pastor and his wife are also throwing a wedding for two members from the church who can’t afford to have a wedding.
Today we found out that the money we paid for room and board and our three meals a day was gone. It had been spent and it was ALL gone. Today is the day that I packed up my things and left the Hope Foundation. Enough was enough and Daniela and I for both similar and different reasons decided to move on.
My hopes of coming to a place where I not only assumed that I would be welcomed because of my willingness to be selfless and help for what I assumed would be a good cause were completely diminished.
At the end of the day I didn’t leave because they favored a white person over me or because I was completely ignored most of the time. I left because gone are the days where I help people who don’t want to be helped or people who spend days begging and not working hard to make their situation better. In my world you don’t get something for nothing and I don’t like my kindness taken for weakness. You also don’t piss on the hand that feeds you. For the last three weeks I have been pissed on enough.
Time for a new adventure. Safari through the Serengeti next Tuesday and who knows what I will do next. The adventure continues………….Boop!
Onward to bigger and better things love!
Whoa…..I am not familiar at all with East Africa, but I spent about four months in South Africa. I know that the two regions of the continent are vastly different, so I am not going to compare the two. I had the chance to spend a lot of time with a variety of Black South Africans, and I never heard anything like what you did mentioned about Black people in the U.S.. I don’t know if that is a function of the fact that I happened to be in Cape Town, which is a major city, or I just happened to meet a certain group of people. If anything, people were fascinated by me, but they definitely didn’t look down on me. What did they think about President Obama, by the way?
While it’s beyond disappointing to hear about these people’s thoughts and your treatment, I have to wonder how much of it is not the same experience some African encounter here in the U.S. . I’m often sad to hear how many Black people here in the U.S. look down on the African continent, think everyone lives in a hut, and is poor. I’ve been in conversations where Black people have mocked Africa and Africans. I’ve also been saddened where I hear many Black travelers say that they have no interest in going to the African continent at all, but will do everything they can to get to Europe. I’m not condoning your experience and the way you were treated. It’s absolutely beyond ridiculous (I have other words but I’ll just keep it to that). I just wonder if there is perhaps ignorance on both sides, and whether there is a way that we can ever bridge this gap.
As for the shadiness of the foundation’s local operations, I’m glad to hear that you moved on. I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your trip, especially the safari.
Let me start off by saying that I truly hate focusing on these kinds of topics even though they are still a reality in this day and age. I’ve never used my skin color, race, age, sex as an excuse for not giving my 110% or getting something I really want out of life. It’s just not in my vocabulary. The types of things I have experienced on this journey since April are so new to me and while I would like to just brush them off my shoulders I think it’s a reason why they are happening so frequently…..there is a lesson in this…somewhere.
I traveled to Mombasa Kenya in 2002 with my mother and grandmother and the experience was so much different. While I’m sure most of it had to do with the fact that we were at a nice resort and people were paid to treat us well we really got to know the staff and they went above and beyond. To include bringing my Mom gifts for her birthday. And both gifts for mothers day. The locals were the same way…loving and welcoming.
While I understand what you mean when you say there could be ignorance on both sides…I am the type of person who believes in treating each situation and each person like a brand new experience. I didn’t come to Tanzania thinking my experience here would be just as lovely as my experience in Kenya. It was a clean slate. I think it’s ridiculous to approach a person negatively based on a previous experience you’ve had with someone else. But people do it all the time. I walked in to this with an extremely open mind. Even when things were getting sour I kept my “mission” at the forefront and tried not to let it get to me. Some good had to come out of this and to see the kids faces light up when I came in to the room was enough for me. I can’t make everyone like me…it’s impossible. Even after we left the people continued to text my fellow volunteer and tell her that they missed her and that she should choose her own decisions instead of following me. So to add insult to injury they also thought it was my fault for her departure and they didn’t give a crap about me leaving. It was such an odd experience that I replayed in my head over and over to make sure my heart and attitude were in the right place. And at the end of the day I don’t think there is anything I could have done differently. I gave all I had to give there…. because financial gain was most important and because they assumed that the “black american” probably didn’t have any finances to give…I was treated accordingly. Sad but true.
I actually signed up to volunteer at a baby home in Arusha which was ran by a white American couple who were here with the Seventh Day Adventist. She seemed so nice over emails. Until our scheduled meeting. Myself and Daniela were together. She had only been in contact with me. This woman didn’t even want to shake my hand. After shaking Daniela’s she told me her hands were wet. INSANITY!!! The story goes on and you wouldn’t believe what came out of her and her husbands mouth. But it’s history. I obviously decided against volunteering there and will be cutting my time in Tanzania short.
In regard to Obama. The people I spoke with didn’t really have an opinion other than he is part African, he runs the country, and that was about it. When they heard I was from America some people just shouted “OBAMA” as if this was a great way for us to connect. It was pretty funny actually.
Did you at least connect with one child? teach them something or feel like you didn’t totally waste your 3 weeks? I know your experience was not what you thought it should be, but if you connected with at least one child and brought them some sort of joy, i’d say feel encouraged and leave the negativity at Hope….
xoxo
Hey Mama…I think you have misread my tone. You know that I won’t let this experience effect me nor will I carry their negativity on to the next spot. I prayed about the situation prior to leaving and it was well in my soul when I walked out. I already know that the kids and the teachers learned something from me as test scores increased dramatically from the time I arrived and teachers commented on how they liked my teaching style. I never saw the experience as a waste…that’s not even how I think. Just an eye-opening lesson learned.
well, that good lady….where are you now? do you check your email or is this the best place to get up with you?
VQ,
First, you got this thing girl! Take charge and be safe.
Next, pray your family upstate is all safe, protected, and on the road to broghter days.
Sorry I missed your call as you prepare for an exciting and momumental feat. Had all ready began to seek favor on your expedition but since I missed you… I will enter into a prayer vigilence during your Kilimanjaro (wow, Africa’s highest).
So, when you read this upon completion…know that you were thought of and covered.
LoL
ErvSon
Hey! It sounds like your experiences are so rich and enlightening! I’m amazed at the perceptions of Black Americans. I applaude you friend for being brave and continuing your journey of happiness. I enjoy your vivid imagery and reading your wonderful snapshots of life abroad!
Love Tai’ : )
Thank you Professor Tai. It has been truly amazing to see the different perceptions of “Black Americans, black people, black women…etc” across the globe. While I know these are not the views of “all people” in those countries it has definitely been an eye opening experience.
Thanks for squeezing my little blog in to your schedule. I know your hands are full over there… 😉