Defining Happy

..and not in a good way. I had already been warned that Kuala Lumpur was going to be a tad bit overwhelming. Especially coming from a quiet island. Being in Perhentian and Penang I almost forgot how hectic it can be to be a tourist in a ridiculously touristy place. 
I arrived to KL at 5am by night bus. While it seemed like a good idea to forgo a night of accommodation cost for a $16 eight hour bus right, the fact that I got here at 5am in the dark and with no idea where I was going to lay my bag or head that idea definitely seemed a little dumB <– the capital “B” emphasizes the dumBness.  Ok so I sat next to a girl from Holland who was backpacking as well. She was on her way to a hotel in Chinatown and this was the same direction I was prepared to go in. Ok so as we step off of the bus the foolishness begins.  “TAXI MAAAAAAAAAAM? TAXIIIII FOR YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!” came from about 18 different directions. These cats wouldn’t even let you get off of the bus good before they swarm around you like flies on caca. We went through about 4 drivers before we found one that would actually turn on the taxi meter and not try to play us by charging some ridiculous a** price. Off to the hotel and I decided to walk in although after sharing a tiny room with 2 other people I really and truly wanted to crash in a 5 star hotel with a nice bed and a clean bathroom that didn’t have rust stains on the plastic seat 😐 . The hotel was actually not bad. I on the other hand was being stubborn and wanted what I wanted and said my goodbyes to the girl from Holland. Ohhhh but let’s see what wanting what you want can sometimes get you…….  3 hours, 2 taxis, my eye rolling, 6 hotels, tons of swindling and shucking and jiving from locals later I was back at the same hotel where I started.  Looking at the pimple faced kid with the smug look on his face almost made me want to choke him until he passed out but my good sense and need to get some rest overrode that desire. The rooms were clean, there was a flat screen that I never turned on, a desk, dresser, ensuite bathroom, air condition, and a wireless router for decoration purposes only 😐  Trying to convince me that the router in the room works great and my laptop, phone, and nook were the problem….and having me pull out my trusty cat5 cable and schooling a nucka on networking101 (complete with extra nerdy jargon and a quick hack in to their main modem) was all a part of a days work. *pats self on back*  did I mention all this nonsense occurred between 5 and 8 am and after an 8 hour bus ride?  I was done by that time and crashed so hard that I didn’t leave the room until 3pm. 

When I left the hotel the atmosphere in chinatown had completely transformed from the deserted and dark place it was when I arrived. My hotel was smack dab in the middle of the action. If you’ve read my previous posts you already know how I feel about markets in Asia. I’m growing quite bored of seeing fake gucci bags, nada prada shoes, and penis shaped cigarette lighters. But oh my did this market have something else to offer that no others did. A whole lotta nonsense for FREE!  As I walked through the busy market I heard people shouting at me and at first I had no idea what they were talking about. Partially because I had tuned them out. “Maaaaaa’am. Listen to me” “You so sexy”. “Hakuna Matata” 😐  you said what now? Hakoona what? It didn’t dawn on me until the 68th cat shouted this out that they thought I was african hence the “Hakuna Matata” phrase. Each vendor, most appearing to be indian others asian, would yell this out and try to lure me in to their shops to buy tons of crap that I didn’t need. I got so annoyed that I started speedwalking through the market yelling “I am not from Africa!!!”. Not that there is anything wrong with hailing from the mothaland, however, I’m really going to have to review the school curriculum for these people. Bah-lack <– say that with me now. “Bah-lack people are all over the globe. Not just Africa man”. Noticing also that there were a handful of african guys walking around the market as well threw me off a bit. Instead of saying “hello” (which is what I do when I see someone who looks sorta like me in a sea full of people who look nothing like me) these cats proceed to give me the side eye and the head to toe scope followed by the stink face. Whaaaaaaa? 

My day ended early with ANOTHER fried rice dish in some random indoor/outdoor cafeteria that catered to locals and blasted country music on the speakers. I had to laugh out loud when the song “No Charge” came on the radio. My Mom used to sing the Shirly Ceasar version to me as a kid when I used to beg politely ask for money in return for things I had done for her. 

Final thoughts? KL is ridiculously touristy with a whole heap of shadiness and a sprinkle of “are you serious right now?”. If I have locals warning me to keep my bag close and shouting random phrases in some african language that I’m supposed to know because I’m black then you know it’s a mess.

COLOR ME completely annoyed with KL! So much so that I have purchased my bus ticket and will be blowing this popsicle stand tomorrow afternoon. Yeah there were a few sites that I wanted to see but I’d rather look those jokers up on the internet when I get to my next destination.

Consider this my hello and good riddens post for Kuala Lumpur. No further post will be necessary. Boop! 

It’s Singapore or bust!